Man, what a Week 1. Damn. We got to see Del Rio flash his balls in New Orleans, the Jimmy Garrapolo experience, Carson Wentz became the next Donovan McNabb in three minutes in Philadelphia, the Rams looked like shit and the Ravens won BAYBAY! But what we did not see was a clear cut number one team. Perhaps Week 2 will be different, but for now the league is wide open, which is very fun for all of us. Except Jeff Fisher.
32. LOS ANGELES RAMS, 0-1
What a start as the refreshed, retooled LA Rams. After having played four full quarters of what I think was profesional football, we are still patiently waiting for the first points as the Rams of LA. Case Keenum made the case for throwing Jared Goff into the fire, leaving the nation to wonder how in the hell Goff could have been bad enough to wind up as the third string quarterback on this team. The defense made the new look Niners look like an offense on rookie mode in Madden. But, watch them beat the Seahawks this weekend. They've done so in three of the teams past four meetings.
What a start as the refreshed, retooled LA Rams. After having played four full quarters of what I think was profesional football, we are still patiently waiting for the first points as the Rams of LA. Case Keenum made the case for throwing Jared Goff into the fire, leaving the nation to wonder how in the hell Goff could have been bad enough to wind up as the third string quarterback on this team. The defense made the new look Niners look like an offense on rookie mode in Madden. But, watch them beat the Seahawks this weekend. They've done so in three of the teams past four meetings.
31. CLEVELAND BROWNS, 0-1
Bad news for Cleveland fans: RG3 is out for at least eight weeks, likely the entire season due to a nonsensical sideline injury against Philadelphia literally one game into his debut game for the Brownies. Worst news for Cleveland fans: Josh McCown might have been the better option all along, which shows us the mega minds that be in that wily front office.
Bad news for Cleveland fans: RG3 is out for at least eight weeks, likely the entire season due to a nonsensical sideline injury against Philadelphia literally one game into his debut game for the Brownies. Worst news for Cleveland fans: Josh McCown might have been the better option all along, which shows us the mega minds that be in that wily front office.
30. TENNESSEE TITANS, 0-1
In an odd turn of shitality, a word I just coined that totally should have already been one, the Titans move up one spot despite losing to a Minnesota team quarterbacked by the immortal Shaun Hill. On the bright side of an ugly 0-1 start, the division is winnable and DeMarco Murray looked like MVP caliber DeMarco Murray.
In an odd turn of shitality, a word I just coined that totally should have already been one, the Titans move up one spot despite losing to a Minnesota team quarterbacked by the immortal Shaun Hill. On the bright side of an ugly 0-1 start, the division is winnable and DeMarco Murray looked like MVP caliber DeMarco Murray.
29. CHICAGO BEARS, 0-1
Poor man Jay Cutler was sacked five times against Houston. Granted, the Texans boast about that front seven, one must wonder if that will be a common theme of this Bears offensive line. But don't worry, we all get to bear witness to the Jay Cutler Show on Monday Night Football this week. Sometimes I wonder if the producers who pick the MNF schedule hate their viewers. Games like Chicago Philadelphia in Week 2 confirm my theory.
Poor man Jay Cutler was sacked five times against Houston. Granted, the Texans boast about that front seven, one must wonder if that will be a common theme of this Bears offensive line. But don't worry, we all get to bear witness to the Jay Cutler Show on Monday Night Football this week. Sometimes I wonder if the producers who pick the MNF schedule hate their viewers. Games like Chicago Philadelphia in Week 2 confirm my theory.
28. BUFFALO BILLS, 0-2
A lot can be said about the new look Ravens defense, and I will be the first to start that conversation, but the Bills offense sucked it's way to just 7 points on Sunday. None came in the second half. Sammy Watkins might be hurt, Tyrod Taylor might suck, the defensive line is in shambles and, oh, hey they're 0-2 already.
A lot can be said about the new look Ravens defense, and I will be the first to start that conversation, but the Bills offense sucked it's way to just 7 points on Sunday. None came in the second half. Sammy Watkins might be hurt, Tyrod Taylor might suck, the defensive line is in shambles and, oh, hey they're 0-2 already.
27. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS, 1-0
This isn't the first time Chip Kelly has impressed in his debut, but this was a game against the LA Rams in which my college intramural flag football team could have put up at least two touchdowns on. Carlos Hyde looked great, but he looked great in last year's opener as well and we saw how that turned out for everyone in San Francisco. I'm just saying, don't expect a Coach of the Year worthy season from the ol Chipper.
This isn't the first time Chip Kelly has impressed in his debut, but this was a game against the LA Rams in which my college intramural flag football team could have put up at least two touchdowns on. Carlos Hyde looked great, but he looked great in last year's opener as well and we saw how that turned out for everyone in San Francisco. I'm just saying, don't expect a Coach of the Year worthy season from the ol Chipper.
26. ATLANTA FALCONS, 0-1
I am genuinely concerned about this Falcons running attack, whom gained just 52 yards on Sunday. Matt Ryan simply isn't talented enough to carry this team on his arms. Triple that sentence if Julio Jones isn't 100 percent. Atlanta gets to travel across the country to Oakland for a chance to right the ship, look for another shootout in the Raiders favor.
I am genuinely concerned about this Falcons running attack, whom gained just 52 yards on Sunday. Matt Ryan simply isn't talented enough to carry this team on his arms. Triple that sentence if Julio Jones isn't 100 percent. Atlanta gets to travel across the country to Oakland for a chance to right the ship, look for another shootout in the Raiders favor.
25. MIAMI DOLPHINS, 0-1
Miami almost played Heartbreakers last week in Seattle, only to allow a hobbled and gobbled Russell Wilson to chew them apart as time expired. The defense looked better than expected, though I don't know often we should bank on that. The offense looked suspect against a very talented Seattle defense, but if this run game never takes off behind Jay Jay Binks and Arian Foster on one ankle, this is a basement dweller team.
Miami almost played Heartbreakers last week in Seattle, only to allow a hobbled and gobbled Russell Wilson to chew them apart as time expired. The defense looked better than expected, though I don't know often we should bank on that. The offense looked suspect against a very talented Seattle defense, but if this run game never takes off behind Jay Jay Binks and Arian Foster on one ankle, this is a basement dweller team.
24. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS, 0-1
Damn, what a missed opportunity for a team desperate for wins any way they come. Melvin Gordon comes back with two early touchdowns, Phillip Rivers looks like P-Riv circa 2011 and the defense is all over a popular Chiefs team to start the game. The tale of two halves in this game saw KC overcoming a 24-3 halftime deficit and stealing one. San Diego can feel good about Gordon but that's honestly all the good feels they should harvest.
Damn, what a missed opportunity for a team desperate for wins any way they come. Melvin Gordon comes back with two early touchdowns, Phillip Rivers looks like P-Riv circa 2011 and the defense is all over a popular Chiefs team to start the game. The tale of two halves in this game saw KC overcoming a 24-3 halftime deficit and stealing one. San Diego can feel good about Gordon but that's honestly all the good feels they should harvest.
23. WASHINGTON REDSKINS, 0-1
I would like to believe in Kirk Cousins, but maybe the immense pressure that comes with one year QB deals is going to devour him this season. Benefit of the doubt, it was a bad performance that looked worse because of a few standout plays against a Super Bowl contender. More realistic scenario is that this team just still isn't that good.
I would like to believe in Kirk Cousins, but maybe the immense pressure that comes with one year QB deals is going to devour him this season. Benefit of the doubt, it was a bad performance that looked worse because of a few standout plays against a Super Bowl contender. More realistic scenario is that this team just still isn't that good.
22. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS, 0-1
The Colts have traditionally started out pretty poor under Chuck Strong, but the loss against Detroit in the manner in which it happened is pretty inexcusable. Defense will obviously be an issue this season, anytime you score 30+ points in a game, you should feel pretty good about a W.
The Colts have traditionally started out pretty poor under Chuck Strong, but the loss against Detroit in the manner in which it happened is pretty inexcusable. Defense will obviously be an issue this season, anytime you score 30+ points in a game, you should feel pretty good about a W.
21. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS, 0-1
The Jaguars and Blake Bortles lived up to the hype on Sunday, playing a great and healthy Packers team down to the final few plays. This team showed it's youth and relative inexperience with winning, but still. Winning the AFC South is about as difficult as flipping burgers at McDonalds, AND BLAKE BORTLES MAKES MORE THAN 9 DOLLARS AN HOUR, OBAMA!!
The Jaguars and Blake Bortles lived up to the hype on Sunday, playing a great and healthy Packers team down to the final few plays. This team showed it's youth and relative inexperience with winning, but still. Winning the AFC South is about as difficult as flipping burgers at McDonalds, AND BLAKE BORTLES MAKES MORE THAN 9 DOLLARS AN HOUR, OBAMA!!
20. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS, 0-1
The day Drew Brees hangs up his cleats will be a sad day, I just don't know when that day will actually come. The dude is approaching 40 fast and he still makes throwing for 423 yards look like a walk in the park. Too bad his defense is still a shitty crew of cast-offs. That must be getting old.
The day Drew Brees hangs up his cleats will be a sad day, I just don't know when that day will actually come. The dude is approaching 40 fast and he still makes throwing for 423 yards look like a walk in the park. Too bad his defense is still a shitty crew of cast-offs. That must be getting old.
19. DALLAS COWBOYS
I feel like I'm buying a little too high into DakMania, because I realistically don't think this Dallas team is vaunted behind a healthy Tony Romo. Elliot didn't impress me in his debut, Bryant looks banged up, the defense looked okay. Prescott will win some games and pull off an upset or two, but is this team really capable of winning a division? Are they even capable of winning six games?
I feel like I'm buying a little too high into DakMania, because I realistically don't think this Dallas team is vaunted behind a healthy Tony Romo. Elliot didn't impress me in his debut, Bryant looks banged up, the defense looked okay. Prescott will win some games and pull off an upset or two, but is this team really capable of winning a division? Are they even capable of winning six games?
18. DETROIT LIONS, 1-0
Jim Bob Cooper! The new look Lions offense was spectacular and made Matthew Stafford look better than he ever has. Could the best days of his career be ahead of him, ironically in the first season post Calvin Johnson?
Jim Bob Cooper! The new look Lions offense was spectacular and made Matthew Stafford look better than he ever has. Could the best days of his career be ahead of him, ironically in the first season post Calvin Johnson?
17. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES, 1-0
The least impressive of the 1-0 teams, don't overlook how good the Eagles did look despite doing what they needed to do in taking care of a bad Browns team at home. Carson Wentz looked fantastic in his debut and the defense looked every bit of the hype it had coming into the season. If Wentz plays at the level of confidence he had on Week 1 all year, this team is suddenly surprisingly dangerous. But that's still a big "if".
The least impressive of the 1-0 teams, don't overlook how good the Eagles did look despite doing what they needed to do in taking care of a bad Browns team at home. Carson Wentz looked fantastic in his debut and the defense looked every bit of the hype it had coming into the season. If Wentz plays at the level of confidence he had on Week 1 all year, this team is suddenly surprisingly dangerous. But that's still a big "if".
16. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS, 1-0
Jameis Winston threw four touchdowns on Sunday, and that might be bound to happen more often than not this year. Tampa is in a weaker division, they have a talented defense and their quarterback is fearless and dedicated to bettering himself. Watch the Bucs as a wild card sleeper.
Jameis Winston threw four touchdowns on Sunday, and that might be bound to happen more often than not this year. Tampa is in a weaker division, they have a talented defense and their quarterback is fearless and dedicated to bettering himself. Watch the Bucs as a wild card sleeper.
15. MINNESOTA VIKINGS, 1-0
Make no mistake about it, if this team makes the playoffs this season it will be because the NFC is weaker than we thought or because of the best defense in football. Minnesota won on Sunday because the defense, particularly the secondary, shut down the Titans. With a game in the books, we can be on Sam Bradford alert.
Make no mistake about it, if this team makes the playoffs this season it will be because the NFC is weaker than we thought or because of the best defense in football. Minnesota won on Sunday because the defense, particularly the secondary, shut down the Titans. With a game in the books, we can be on Sam Bradford alert.
14. NEW YORK JETS, 1-1
So I'm a little late in posting this and now the Jets are 1-1 behind a super entertaining but super sloppy performance in Buffalo on Thursday night. Still, the Jets managed 37 points and probably let another 14 slide away. Ryan Fitzpatrick might finally be in a competent enough offense to actually reflect in his win loss record. For anyone actually relying on this post before the Thursday game, sorry you are hobbyless.
So I'm a little late in posting this and now the Jets are 1-1 behind a super entertaining but super sloppy performance in Buffalo on Thursday night. Still, the Jets managed 37 points and probably let another 14 slide away. Ryan Fitzpatrick might finally be in a competent enough offense to actually reflect in his win loss record. For anyone actually relying on this post before the Thursday game, sorry you are hobbyless.
13. BALTIMORE RAVENS, 1-0
I am the first to admit that I am an insufferable Homer. That being said, this Ravens defense looked unstoppable on Sunday, reminding me of the good old days when the Ravens didn't suck. I'm interested in seeing how the defense holds up against more competent offenses, something we won't see Sunday against the Browns, but I'm even more interested in seeing how the run game evolves. Justin Forsett vs Terrence West will be exciting for the next few weeks.
I am the first to admit that I am an insufferable Homer. That being said, this Ravens defense looked unstoppable on Sunday, reminding me of the good old days when the Ravens didn't suck. I'm interested in seeing how the defense holds up against more competent offenses, something we won't see Sunday against the Browns, but I'm even more interested in seeing how the run game evolves. Justin Forsett vs Terrence West will be exciting for the next few weeks.
12. NEW YORK GIANTS, 1-0
Elephant in the room, Odell Beckham is the best receiver in the league. I'm now convinced of it. My homey Bill Simmons picked a Giants Patriots Super Bowl for this season, and at first glance, he looked nuts. But..ehhh?
Elephant in the room, Odell Beckham is the best receiver in the league. I'm now convinced of it. My homey Bill Simmons picked a Giants Patriots Super Bowl for this season, and at first glance, he looked nuts. But..ehhh?
11. OAKLAND RAIDERS, 1-0
We all want the Raiders to be good again, at least I do, which means everyone. And it's hard to argue against a team ballsy enough to go for two to win the game on the road. I love love love the decision Del Rio made to end the game on Sunday. A handful of coaches make that call and Del Rio is perfect for this evolving team of super talented athletes.
We all want the Raiders to be good again, at least I do, which means everyone. And it's hard to argue against a team ballsy enough to go for two to win the game on the road. I love love love the decision Del Rio made to end the game on Sunday. A handful of coaches make that call and Del Rio is perfect for this evolving team of super talented athletes.
10. HOUSTON TEXANS, 1-0
Houston put the smackdown on Chicago, as they should have. I don't see any way this team doesn't win the South unless Watt goes down for the year or Osweiler throws up on himself from here on out. And even then, they might stumble into five wins and a South crown.
Houston put the smackdown on Chicago, as they should have. I don't see any way this team doesn't win the South unless Watt goes down for the year or Osweiler throws up on himself from here on out. And even then, they might stumble into five wins and a South crown.
9. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, 1-0
If I were a Chiefs staff, team or fan member, I would in no way be proud of the "greatest comeback in Kansas city history". I would be terrified of the long term health of Jamaal Charles. I'd be terrified of the first half offense Andy Reid called. I'd be horrified of the way the front seven made Melvin Gordon look in the first half. Say what you will about being impressed by Alex Smith driving a comeback for once, but this team didn't look like a playoff team at any point on Sunday.
If I were a Chiefs staff, team or fan member, I would in no way be proud of the "greatest comeback in Kansas city history". I would be terrified of the long term health of Jamaal Charles. I'd be terrified of the first half offense Andy Reid called. I'd be horrified of the way the front seven made Melvin Gordon look in the first half. Say what you will about being impressed by Alex Smith driving a comeback for once, but this team didn't look like a playoff team at any point on Sunday.
8. CINCINNATI BENGALS, 1-0
Sure, the Bengals losing in Week 1 to the Jets would have been disappointing but it would have been to a playoff contender and it would have been on the road. But we don't need to talk about that, despite Andy Dalton being sacked seven times. I'm buying high on this team that should have went to the Super Bowl last season.
Sure, the Bengals losing in Week 1 to the Jets would have been disappointing but it would have been to a playoff contender and it would have been on the road. But we don't need to talk about that, despite Andy Dalton being sacked seven times. I'm buying high on this team that should have went to the Super Bowl last season.
7. ARIZONACARDINALS, 0-1
Arizona is a weird team. Everyone thought coming into the season that this team was as good or better than the 13-3 squad from last season, but are we sure? Carson Palmer is a year older, David Johnson looked pretty average save his classic break through 11 guys run late in the game, the defense is missing a few important pieces, the schedule is anything but a breeze. I'm obviously not out on them yet, they are still in the top eight but 13 wins certainly seems like a stretch when beating Jimmy Garrapolo at home in Week 1 couldn't even happen.
Arizona is a weird team. Everyone thought coming into the season that this team was as good or better than the 13-3 squad from last season, but are we sure? Carson Palmer is a year older, David Johnson looked pretty average save his classic break through 11 guys run late in the game, the defense is missing a few important pieces, the schedule is anything but a breeze. I'm obviously not out on them yet, they are still in the top eight but 13 wins certainly seems like a stretch when beating Jimmy Garrapolo at home in Week 1 couldn't even happen.
6. DENVER BRONCOS, 1-0
Super Bowl champions Week 1 magic? The ghost of Peyton past? The defense really is historically dominant? Regardless of what it was, Denver looked like they were picking up right where they left off last season. I just don't believe in CJ Anderson long term yet.
Super Bowl champions Week 1 magic? The ghost of Peyton past? The defense really is historically dominant? Regardless of what it was, Denver looked like they were picking up right where they left off last season. I just don't believe in CJ Anderson long term yet.
5. CAROLINA PANTHERS, 0-1
The Panthers remain in the top five for three reasons. One, they were a botched long field goal away from being the number one team on this list. Two, Carolina has swagger leftover from last season that was evident throughout the game and really for the first time under Ron Rivera. Third, Cam Newton is a MAN.
The Panthers remain in the top five for three reasons. One, they were a botched long field goal away from being the number one team on this list. Two, Carolina has swagger leftover from last season that was evident throughout the game and really for the first time under Ron Rivera. Third, Cam Newton is a MAN.
4. PITTSBURGH STEELERS, 1-0
Has Mike Tomlin cracked the ten greatest coaches of all time yet? Top fifteen? Has any coach churned out as many nameless wide receivers as Tomlin has in their career? This Pittsburgh team might fly under the radar, as much as the Steelers can do so, and don't be surprised to see them in the Championship Game, save a healthy Big Ben.
Has Mike Tomlin cracked the ten greatest coaches of all time yet? Top fifteen? Has any coach churned out as many nameless wide receivers as Tomlin has in their career? This Pittsburgh team might fly under the radar, as much as the Steelers can do so, and don't be surprised to see them in the Championship Game, save a healthy Big Ben.
3. GREEN BAY PACKERS, 1-0
My desperate pick in my family survivor pool this week, Green Bay didn't exactly look like my preseason Super Bowl pick. Rat bastards making me look bad. But still, they came away with a win in what must have been 105 degree weather on the road. As long as Eddie Lacy comes through in my money fantasy football league, I won't be totally bitter.
My desperate pick in my family survivor pool this week, Green Bay didn't exactly look like my preseason Super Bowl pick. Rat bastards making me look bad. But still, they came away with a win in what must have been 105 degree weather on the road. As long as Eddie Lacy comes through in my money fantasy football league, I won't be totally bitter.
2. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS, 1-0
Has the Jimmy Garrapolo era began in New England? I could see the lame ass First Take segments from a mile away last week, with smug pictures of Garrapolo walking away with a win. Though he didn't look like the best quarterback in the league, Garrapolo certainly wasn competent enough to keep the Pats afloat before Big Bad Bitter Brady returns in Week 5.
Has the Jimmy Garrapolo era began in New England? I could see the lame ass First Take segments from a mile away last week, with smug pictures of Garrapolo walking away with a win. Though he didn't look like the best quarterback in the league, Garrapolo certainly wasn competent enough to keep the Pats afloat before Big Bad Bitter Brady returns in Week 5.
1. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS, 1-0
Shaky number one pick in a Shaky Week 1. Seattle barely walked away with a win and may have been victims to a Russell Wilson ankle injury. Regardless, this team was the best team on paper coming into the season and they walked away with an impressive enough victory. Apparently, that's good enough for number one on this blog.
Shaky number one pick in a Shaky Week 1. Seattle barely walked away with a win and may have been victims to a Russell Wilson ankle injury. Regardless, this team was the best team on paper coming into the season and they walked away with an impressive enough victory. Apparently, that's good enough for number one on this blog.
Keep an eye out for my weekly picks against the spread column, maybe coming out tomorrow afternoon! If you're in the market for fantastically ridiculous ways to blow your hard earned money, that column is perfect for you!
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